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They talk, as I suggested, like pro wrestlers, touting the big showdown between Edge and The Undertaker.
When they go into battle, their pep talks sound like the screams of drunken sports fans swarming onto the field. They are very athletic, able to construct a towering wall of thousands of dead Persians in hours, even after going to all the trouble of butchering them. And from the looks of them, protein shakes. At the right time, they produce helmets which must have been concealed in their loincloths. They come bare-chested, dressed in sandals, bikini briefs and capes. And what about the mascara and the cute little white lines on the eyelids? When the Spartans describe the Athenians as "philosophers and boy-lovers," I wish they had gone right ahead to discuss the Persians. But his eyebrow have been plucked and re-drawn into black arches that would make Joan Crawford envious. But what of his face? I am just about prepared to believe that the ancient Persians went in for the piercing of ears, cheeks, eyebrows, noses, lips and chins. He towers over Leonidas (Butler), so we know his body isn't really there. (Santoro's height in life: 6 feet, 2.75 inches).
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Impressive, but how could such a monstrosity be lugged all the way from Persia to Greece? I am not expected to apply such logic, I know, but the movie flaunts its preposterous effects.Īnd what about Xerxes ( Rodrigo Santoro) himself? He stands around eight feet tall, I guess, which is good for 500 B.C. It is larger that the imperial throne in the Forbidden City, with a wide staircase leading up to Xerxes.
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There are so many they would have presented a logistical nightmare: How to feed and water them? Consider the slave-borne chariot that Xerxes pulls up in. Look at the long- shots of the massed Persians. The movie presents other scenes of impossibility. As a result, every single time I regarded the Spartans in a group, I realized I was seeing artistic renderings, not human beings. I can almost believe the star, Gerard Butler, may have been working out at Gold's Gym ever since he starred as the undernourished Phantom of the Opera, but not 300, 200 or even 100 extras. They have Schwarzeneggerian biceps, and every last one of them, even the greybeards, wear well-defined six- packs on their abs. Although real actors play the characters and their faces are convincing, I believe their bodies are almost entirely digital creations. The lesson is that the Spartans are free, and the Persians are slaves, although the Spartan idea of freedom is not appetizing (children are beaten to toughen them).īut to return to those muscles. So brave and strong are the Spartans that they skewer, eviscerate, behead and otherwise inconvenience tens of thousands of Persians before finally falling to the weight of overwhelming numbers. The movie involves a legendary last stand by 300 death-obsessed Spartans against a teeming horde of Persians.
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"300" has one-dimensional caricatures who talk like professional wrestlers plugging their next feud. "Sin City" has vividly- conceived characters and stylized dialogue. "300," directed by Zack Snyder, is ancient carnage, my least favorite genre, taken beyond the extreme. "Sin City," directed by Robert Rodriguez and Miller, is film noir, my favorite genre, taken to the extreme. Why did I like the first, and dislike the second? Perhaps because of the subject matter, always a good place to start. They lean so heavily on CGI that many shots are entirely computer-created. "300," I learn, reflects the book almost panel-by-panel. Universe.īoth films are faithful to Miller's plots and drawings. Of the earlier film, I wrote prophetically: "This isn't an adaptation of a comic book, it's like a comic book brought to life and pumped with steroids." They must have been buying steroids wholesale for "300." Every single male character, including the hunchback, has the muscles of a finalist for Mr. Now, as I deserve, I get "300," based on another work by Miller. I gave a four-star rating to " Sin City," the 2005 film based on a graphic novel by Frank Miller.